She's here!!

I can't believe how much I have neglected this blog! I hope you are out there and you are still reading. We are still here. My biggest excuse for not writing is about 8 lbs right now and keeps me up every other hour of the night!  Our baby girl was born March 8th at 11:30 pm. She came into the world in a hurry. I barley got to the hospital in time to get the epideral and deliver her 30 minutes later. Yikes- that was a close one!

She has quickly taken her place as the apple of my boys eyes. The boys and Will adore her! It is sweet how cute they are with her!  As for the other excuse for not blogging - Will is working more! He is working at a small medical marketing start up company with some other guys downtown Salt Lake City. They do writing, doctor referral marketing, SEO, and so on. Check them out and send some business their way http://www.targamedia.com/med/. It is a great group of guys- especially cause my guy is one of them ;)

As for what happens instead- We are busy busy parents of a busy busy toddler and two other kiddies too. My newborn is robbing me of my sleep and sometimes I think my toddler is robbing me of my sanity. With Will and I's work schedule picking up -- we have to work harder to be able to work together. But our family is worth the work and worth the hard. I'm glad I have a husband on board- that doesn't stop when the going gets rough.

Focusing on people not things

I know I write a lot about what matters most in this blog. I think our situation, really pushes us to focus on the basics, because so much of what is not basic was lost. That dream of a Dr's career, the big house, the nice cars, the exoctic vacations, and so on... I don't really think it is a bad thing that we didn't get or for now don't have these things. I actually believe that someday when we do have more "financial opportunity" it will be more difficult for me to focus on what matters most. Things can "cloud" up what matters most. I don't mean that they always do I just think they can.

I am so grateful for my husband and baby boys and the baby I carry. I feel so lucky to have them. I don't know what I would do without them. It's a lot of work to keep up with - the young mother thing, working at night, helping my husband regain a career in the medical field, and so on-- but everytime I think about the work-- I know I am doing the work for the things that matter most. It matters most that I can be home with my litttle ones and help provide. It matters most that my husband is busy everyday "rebuilding" a career. It matters most that we are all healthy and together. What matters most is that the Savior in his ultimate sacrifce in giving his life so that my husband can "heal" from his physical aliments, and we have the promise of an eternity as a family in this life and the next. I am grateful for my family and for my faith. These are the things that matter most. 

Let it Go

I just watched Frozen with my husband and little boy Ben. In the movie there is a song that I just love... where the ice princess finally accepts who she is and walks away from everyone who has told her to be different, and hold back. I think I'll give 2013 the "Let it Go" theme. Walk away from everyone's expectations- on what my hubby should be doing with his life, what kind of parent I should be, how I should disipline, how many kids I should have, and the list goes on.

Reaching inward is so much more empowering than reaching outward. Trying to get acceptance from all the wrong places just makes things wrong. The less I listen to the "naysayers" the happier I am with me. When I "Let it Go" I become responsible for my own future- and I'm not passing the buck  or blaming someone else who has different ideas or plans for us.

I guess if I were to turn the phrase "Let it go" into something else- it would be "Forgive" don't let anyone be responsible for your happiness. Let it go. Let go what is hard- and be yourself. Only then can you become who you truly want to be. This theme may need to spill into 2014 as I'm still pinching myself when I have unkind thoughts about whatever issues I might be feeling inadequte about. We can be whoever we want to be. But the only way to be that person is to Let go of the people we are not - angry, hurt, fearful.

This Christmas

Friday night we decided to throw out the list of Christmas to dos- shop, bake, clean, visit, and so on, to spend our evening with just our boys. We walked through the down town lights, lingered in a few playgrounds, chased after horse drawn carriages and waited in line at a small cafe for hot chocolate, warm soup and deluxe sanwhiches.

I guess I thought becuase I had spent a majority of my life single and traveling and reading and meeting new people - I had already come to know the best there was. But I did not know the best was yet to come. Marrying Will has been great. Building a family with him has been even better. I think the holidays make this more apparent than other times during the year. 

My heart is full. Sharing this season with my eternal companion and two beautiful children.  Nothing compares with these three relationships. Watching them grow and forge character that would not be there without the warmth of love and their forgiving ways. I am so grateful for my husband, for his life and for his goodness. I am grateful he is willing to work by my side to build our family. 

This Christmas season I hope you take time to be grateful for the greatest gifts you have been given.Take time to throw out the Christmas to do list to enjoy what matters most. 

We've been blessed

The other day our landlord told me he could see real improvement in my husband. He has known us only for a year. So it is interesting that we are still getting comments like this. I guess it's interesting because I thought I was the only one who could tell year to year. You have to know Will very well to know what he might be lacking at this point. I don't even know if extended family could pick out new developments in his recovery-- maybe they can ---  I should ask.

My husband does recover more all of the time. I have spent some time thinking about what is was that made me fall in love with him (again) after the stroke. For those who know our story they know we had been broken up for a year when he had a stroke. He was living in Ohio and I was living in Utah- it took me nine months to move on but I did and then the stroke happend.

He had changed. His processing was dramatically altered when we started dating seriously again. Ultimately I knew I wasn't marrying him for the man he could someday be, but five years ago, I was marrying him for the man he was. For the man he still was. He was kind. He loved the Lord, he was faithful, he refused to give up, he worked hard... Will has always been all the things I ever wanted in a husband. And even though five years ago his earning potential was pretty much non-existent, this was secondary to me. Primarily, I knew I couldn't live without him. That no matter what happened I wanted to be with him.

Now five years into our continuing saga. I love him more than ever. His earning potential grows exponetially everyday. He is in a critical stage for the "regaining of his career" I am seeing mental capabilities come back that have not been there in years past. He takes more initative and takes more notes and has more follow through ability than I have seen in him since the stroke. I think my husband has a bright future. And even though I didn't marry him for the "bright career future" bit, it is nice to see the Lord blessing him in this way.

I guess if this blog has a theme it is. The Lord is good. He allows healing to happen on a lot of levels, physical, mental, emotional and so on. He allows tradgey to move to good and even on to be great. He blesses us in so many ways. More than we could imagine. So if you happen to be on day one of your own "personal tradgey" Have faith. And know that the Lord is good. He will bless you and heal you. And someday you will enjoy blessings beyond anything you could imagine.

It's a...

We haven't forgotten about this blog. We are still here. I think life gets more "normal" as time goes on. Like the things we thought we couldn't live with are becoming more bearable…. aka Will not being a doctor or not finding the perfect career off the bat - even though he has incredible potential.

It really is relationships, and not the careers or things, that make life bearable. That make life worthwhile. We are very happy together. We are very happy with our children. We feel very blessed. Meanwhile, Will is still writing - he has been writing more the past few months and this is great! I can only imagine that it will be just a matter of time before Will is in a rewarding full time career/job. As for now though- having a husband around so much to help with the kids and laundry is out of this world. I don't know what I will do when he does find that full time gig!  I love him more everyday. What a wonderful man I married. I can't wait for the rest of our life!

ps You're also due for a little announcement. We are having a baby girl!!!! We are soooo excited!!!

Holding On

So much of our experince in this life has to do with perception. Our perceptions of situations turn into "stories" that then dictate our attitude. I have been working lately to change the "story" I tell myself. I don't think it is fair to hold the future hostage with unrealistic expectations. For my husband sometimes I tell myself he won't ever find a good job. It's been more than five years and the hope of becoming a doctor has waned and we are still not sure where to go next. Sometimes I tell myself things like "it's not fair" or "no one understands." But these are all just stories.

We all have our own demons that we just can't let go of - as horrible as they are for us. I know we can let go. I know I can let go. I'm trying to change my story so our future is better. It doesn't do any good to complain. It doesn't do any good to hold grudges. I'm learning these things only hurt my relationship my my husband and kids. Faith comes before the miracles. Sometimes I feel that by holding onto my fears I am forgoing a better way. I have a sense that if I can change "stories" I tell myself (that are not accurate), it will change our life for the better.

What are the demons you are holding onto? What are the stories you are telling yourself that aren't true?  Lets change them together :)

Summer