Keeping up

I'm going to say it. It's cliche coming from a young mom, but I am going to say it. I AM TIRED! I can't seem to catch a break! Every time I plan to get to bed earlier my kids wake up more during the night and every time I want a longer afternoon nap- that is when I have to do laundry or clean or follow through with my threat to take away tv privileges (which I think every mom knows it's harder on us than it is the children! Without the tv we are their 24/7 entertainment!)

What does this have to do with "what happens instead" -- well I think life happens instead. It isn't as glamorous as it seems- the cute toddler the adorable baby and the handsome pre-kindergartener-- they all take tons of work! And when I say tons I mean TONS of work. What I am learning though, isn't to just slow down and enjoy these days where the hugs and calling for mom never end. It's how to better manage my time. To save time for each one of my children, for my husband and for myself and for neighbors and friends and other family members. It really is all important and instead of wishing away a piece of these relationships -- I think it is possible to hold onto them and nourish them even with limited time. The secret is time management -- don't get caught too long on Facebook or in that well deserved nap. Take time to prepare a head so when those relationship opportunities present themselves you can embrace them. And you don't have to push away your toddler because you forgot to shop for a meal and now you're scrambling or you don't have to say no to crossing the street to say hi to a friend because you already cleaned your room.

I know it isn't possible to be 100 percent all of the time on all of this. But I am learning it is more important than ever to keep on top of things so the things that matter most have most of your time. I hope this blog wasn't too "mommy blog" - I think it applies to pretty much anyone with a lot on their plate (which is almost everybody). Stay with us on our journey. We love you and appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

What really matters

What really matters seems to be the end all be all explanation to what really happened to my husband. His story is a little more dramatic because I mean medical school and medical residency and so much hard work and so much money/school loans. Isn't the MD what really matters? Doesn't having eight years of higher level education what matters most?  At first it was. Will was devastated. All he wanted to do was get back into his car and drive to Ohio. Put on his drs badge and take care of patients. It was what he had dreamed of doing since a young teenager. And when that was gone. It was all that mattered, and he was very sad. I was very sad for him. But then something happened. Something else, neither of us had planned for. Being back in the same state again I felt complete. I felt at peace whenever I was with him. I couldn't wait to see him everyday and even though our dates were sometimes in the office of a neuropsychologist or to a speech therapy appointment, it never got old. Being with him is what really mattered. I'm not going to say that the love we felt for one another made the heart ache go away, but it did make it bearable. 

The relationships we have are what really matter. They transcend eight years of college and a prominent career and anything else you can throw in the mix. We matter. Being together matters.  I'm so grateful to be married to my best friend. I'm so glad that we took that leap of faith- not knowing what our future would hold and how far Will would come back from the stroke. We both often say -- being together is the best decision we have ever made. And as for Will's MD, we only feel grateful that we are headed in a direction where we believe someday it will be useful again. For now we're happy to have him working and preforming well at work. In the meantime I feel like I am married to some Ken Jennings-- He knows everything about everything and someday that brain of his will be put to full use again.  

A House, almost

What happened instead this last month is Will and I didn't get the house we wanted. It was 100 years old and it looked like it was right out of a Jane Austen novel/movie. It was so cute! Our hearts broke a little, but mostly my mind changed. Why is it so hard to distinguish between what we need and what we want? We need food, water, air and shelter. But how much of it? Where does it stop? And if we do get more shelter or tastier food is it a sin?  Sometimes wondered if our "wealth" has been taken away (since our dr had a stroke) as some sort of punishment. As if we did something wrong and now we have to "pay for it" - but really I know his stroke isn't a punishment and our lack of material possessions doesn't mean we are less than the next person.

Value has nothing to do with money or big houses or tasty steak dinners. Rich or poor, president of the United States, or homeless man on the street - they have the same value. Obviously we are all handed different stories in this life and some are wrought with poverty, others addiction and others mental illness, but we all have something. Something really difficult to deal with. It is for us to pick up our cross and to move forward- and much like the Savior as we bear those burdens our soul begins to enlarge. Our love for others increases. Our gratitude for small things grows.

So instead of getting our home- we got something else. Another life lesson. One that helps us to feel more deeply and lean more on each other and on our Lord and Redeemer. Will did not sin and as a result have a stroke. Our not getting the home wasn't a punishment. Sometimes something else happens instead. And that is ok.

Happy New Year

Things are going great for us. Will is doing good in his job and he is aceing all of his tests for his classes. I'm afraid to hope that this is the new normal - we've spent a long time under the umbrella of rejection and "its not time yet" and "how long can we survive financially" and you name it - we've been through it :).

The other aspect of our life is our three children- which has been better than we could have hoped for even if the logistics to raising these tikes is pretty crazy sometimes. Like, it's practically impossible to take them all shopping (picture me carrying the baby in one arm, straping the todller into the front of the cart and barricading the four year old in the grocery cart). It also takes 45 mins to get my kiddies twenty feet (from the house and loaded into the car) but we can't complain- I mean heck look at the pictures they are soooo cute! 

Meanwhile, our job, our home, and our little family- they are humble beginings but at least they are beginings. We have high hopes for Will. He is as smart as ever and is learning to balance all the balls of working, schooling, and daddying (and husbanding). Wish us luck in our new adventure and keep us in your prayers- we've got a long but hopeful road ahead of us.

Will got a Job!

We're working at the U of U in the Health Information Department and he will start December 1st. So much of the pressure that has been our constant companion these past seven years seems like it's starting to break free. I asked Will what he wanted for Christmas and he said-  a job with benefits-- with a smile we both know this is a day he has been waiting for for so long.

You can't imagine what it has been like these past years trying to prove or convince or teach other people to not treat "Dr. Blackhurst" differently. Will is so capable. He has been acing the tests in his classes and recently passed a CCA certification. I guess it's just hard for people to understand what happened to him and what comes next. It's been hard for us to understand.

What has happened instead is that we've had to fight to figure things out. And the future is still foggy- but it seems like at least for now the engine is started. Meanwhile, in moments like this when I look around and see so much heart ache in my community and even with my friends and family I think-- just keep going. You're making a difference. Everything you do leads to something - no matter how slow or far away it seems. Keep going!

Things are heating up!

Things have been busy lately. I admit to neglecting the blog, Actually I've been neglecting a lot of things. My house, my health, my sanity ;) Really, it hasn't been that bad, but I have to say our life is still vexed with what happened to my husband almost seven years ago in the middle of the night when a small clot cut loose from who knows where and lodged in his brain. 

We have ups and we have downs. Lately there have been more downs...  Every thing has been squeezed a little bit more with the addition of our third child. My time, my need to work more, the pressure on Will to get an education and a job. We've been running around like chickens with out heads cut off trying to keep up with our lives. Will is enrolled in three classes right now. He has been looking for jobs like no one elses business and he actually got a gig where he will be selling insurance for a month -- after that we hope to have our coding certificate and move into medical coding for a year or two. After that hopefully some managment area where he is working more closely with Drs on quality control stuff... Who knows what our future holds.

The message for today's blog is when things get tough-- I fall a part a little than I get going. I'd say the same about Will. It's like we doubt that things will go well. We blame all over again-- "why won't people give Will a chance?" or "why do we still have to deal with the effects of this stroke all these years later?" We stretch to find meaning, when really it's in front of us. Three beautiful sets of eyes looking at us with all the faith in the world that we will fill their cupboards for them and comfort them and be able to give them everything they need. Never doubting us or our abilities.

We are so lucky to have each other and I wish we could just skip the part where we doubt and just move on to the part where we have faith that everything will be OK. Because we know it will. Everything is for a reason and we feel so blessed for our little family and for all the experinces we have had and continue to have. We are on an extraoridanary journey.

So stay tuned for some of the next episodes for "How Will's world turns" Things are just heating up around here!

Crazy Times

I have been trying to figure out why this blog has got no loving from me lately. My mind feels like mush. I'm hyperextended in the area of raising kids and working and helping Will. My dreams and hopes seem to be muffled in the middle of it all right now. I haven't exercised in months and the thought of getting out on a run stresses me out to figure out all of the logisitics-- which one of my kids is sleeping and who needs to be fed and is Will hungry. Somedays I feel like I'm losing myself to be able to find the rest of the world. And I know losing yourself for other people can be good- but not taking care of oneself is bad too. I guess I don't know where the line is. And I know this post is getting off on some mommy woes tangent- but I think or I assume everyone faces this challenge in one way or another.

We don't take time to do the things that are important - to recharge the batteries. We work half baked sometimes and we're starting off on the wrong foot. I think we need to approach our days like we would training for a triathlon. Don't start out too fast- because you have to work up to where you need to be, but do start training. No matter how slow the progress- sharpen the saw. Say one more prayer today that you might not have. Take a walk, read your scriptures for five extra minutes. Take two more minutes to look at the sunset. Turn off the radio. Shut down facebook. Whatever it takes muffling isn't going to cut it. 

As for Will and I - I realized the other day I'm just so in love with him. We had the Mormon Channel interview us about our experince with his stroke-- and how we have made it through it all. I found myself just telling them how lucky I am to be with him. How happy I am that he survived. Seven years later - and with the trials still pouring in-- The bad isn't what stands out. His hundreds of job resumes without response, my plowing through the wee hours in the morning to get my work projects done. None of that really stands out at the end. What stands out is us. I love this man more than ever. I am so grateful for his hard work. He has never given up . He still sends out resumes and we're enrolled in another set of classes to get him some medical coding certificates. I am so proud of him. Someday he'll find his job, but in the meantime, we have each other and that is all that matters.

Keep with us on our journey all!

Summer