It's been forever

I'm not sure this blog will get any views, but I don't know that I can leave it empty. For anyone who follows my wonderful husband on his journey- I want you to know how well he is doing.

As you read about our horrible summer last year. You now know my daughter has scars from tripping into a fire. I have scars as well- only my scars are different. Hers are visible and every time I look at them I have a choice to see my scars differently. The choice to not feel guilty and wonder "if she would have had a better mother in that moment- would things be different?" This choice I have to make- happens often. She could be a living reminder to me that I missed out on saving her - and unfortunately that has been the case at times in my uphill journey to find myself to love myself again.

I know my daughter and I aren't the only ones with scars. We all have them. Hers are just more visible. But no matter how well you can see the trauma in a person's life- or not, its still a part of them. Will's stroke is still a part of him.  I feel like I'm finally turning a corner in my life and accepting heartache and pain as what it is- a lesson for us, a challenge to turn to God, instead of away from Him.

Someday when my daughter is 16 and hoping a boy she likes will ask her on a date- will she let her scars embarrass her? Will she try to hide them so she doesn't have to talk about it- or will it be a way to leverage a conversation. Will she view this unattractive piece of her body as unwanted? Or will she see it as a way to build others. Teach resilience and acceptance and be an example of someone who is brave despite insecurities and short comings. I hope the choice she makes when that day comes - will be to stand as a light on a hill. Not being defined by her scars rather being defined by the person she has become- just like her dad has done.