This past summer my daughter fell face first into a camp fire. The incident landed us on a life flight and a we had a very frightening next few weeks and months. I was literally shaking for the first week after it all happened. Panic attacks took over my every hour. I was terrified to be alone. Watching her wince and scream in pain every time we pinned her down to change her dressings was unbearable. How could something so horrible happen? I was a few feet away, but she still fell. I wasn't able to spare her from such a terrible accident. I was useless.
Trying to come to grips with this has been the hardest part of the whole experience. Why would God let such a bad thing happen. To me and to Madison? For the first time in the my life I thought and felt like God was just plain cruel. Like he didn't love me enough to protect me or my daughter. I ignored the service that poured in after the accident. The people who stayed by my side for weeks after the accident. The friends who cleaned my house and delivered groceries, the family who prayed and fasted for me. The neighbors who came to help change the dressings. I was just too sad. It was unreal and it was not fair.
What happened this summer was totally unexpected. My baby was hurt. Her skin was forever changed. There were burns on her face, arms, hand and tummy. Things happened that neither I nor any doctor could change. The scars would be there for life.
But through my tears and ridiculous chastisements to my Lord and Savior - He sent down angels. Literal angels from heaven, who caught my daughter while she was falling into the fire. Secured her up in just the right way so she could roll out of the fire and the worst burns would totally miss the crucial areas. The burns on her face and hand and elbow were insignificant. The ones on her belly and upper arm will always be covered by clothing and not require any skin grafts.
The angels were also there every time I wept in my back yard to yell at God, after my husband and children had gone to sleep. The angels stayed by me and God just listened to me. He let me experience the anguish that comes from such a dramatic experience, and when I was ready He wrapped me in His arms and carried me.
What happened instead this summer is - I learned for myself God lives. That He loves me and knows EXACTLY what is going on. He weeps with us and comforts us. I will never be the same person I was before my daughters accident(and I am still afraid I will mess up again), but I have begun to see my role as a mother in a totally different light. I put down my phone and turn off my computer screen to talk kids more often now and we dance in the living room more than we ever had before the accident. Now instead of tears of sadness, I weep tears of joy when I am with them. I am so grateful to have them. I love my little family with everything I am. I am also so grateful for my Heavenly Father. I pray I can be worthy of His love - even in my darkest hours.
Love,
Summer
p.s. I know I write sporadically in this blog so I hope you'll still keep with us on our journey. We love you and pray for you!
